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HADA

HADA


Excuse me. A gin and tonic, please.
Thank you. Look at that!
You’re very nice! Pardon? You look very tasty,
my queen. Thank you. Listen… What if we
go outside real quick? The thing is I’m here
with my friends. But I can tell them
and meet you. -Who are you?
-Your self-esteem fairy. You’re joking! You’re so down you think
the self-esteem fairy is a joke! -But what are you doing here?
-What do you mean? Let’s go step by step.
Where are we? In a bar. No. BBO was a bar.
This is… a disgrace. Look, it’s okay
to go out now and then, getting drunk
and having sex with strangers. But I didn’t get with him
yet. Because I showed up. You were going outside
to kiss that moron. -Look, I even made notes.
-What? He called you “tasty”,
check. He said, “What if we
go outside real quick?” No. You deserve
something better. Look at his
face of a Commander fan. You’re a woman,
you have a good job, you went to college,
your family loves you. The thing is that I my
four-year relationship ended. The truth is I’m very sad. I understand and it’s okay. But listen… That man is stupid,
sexist and ignorant. With him you’d lose
two years of your life pouring him beer
while he watches soccer and it would all end with you
crying and as a single mom. -Is that what you want?
-No. No. So let’s look for a man
worthy of you, yes? Someone who’s smart,
sensitive, and who doesn’t have
gonorrhea. Are you ready? Close your eyes,
take my hand, and I’ll take you to a world
full of wonderful men. Oi, Adri. And who are you? I’m your urgency fairy. And, although everything
she said is true, I want to remind you
you’re in need. So go for it, sweetie.
What are you waiting for? I say it’s two days a week
with the moron. Two days and two nights.
Be specific. But breakfast and condoms
are non-negotiable. Okay.
So the holidays are with him. Which one?
Christmas or Holy Week? -All of them.
-No, c’mon. All of them? Give me something.
Help me help you. Anal? No, not yet. Cunnilingus? -On Tuesdays.
-And birthdays. -Birthdays.
-Holy Week. No, Holy Week is for abstinence.
Birthdays. Rimming. Only on Christmas.

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