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Healing from Sexual Abuse & Incest – Mental Health help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

Healing from Sexual Abuse & Incest – Mental Health help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton


– Today, I want to talk to
you about how to heal sexually from past sex abuse or incest. (tinkling piano keys) As always, I’mma use my favorite book, The Courage to Heal Workbook. Now this is written by Laura
Davis, and it’s amazing. She also has the The Courage
to Heal, just the regular book, but this is the workbook
and this is what I find to be most helpful in
session with my clients to give them some tools
and some journal topics and things like that to go on. The topic that I’m going to
talk about today is something I get a lot of questions about. And that is, I have a partner and I want to be sexually active, I want to have intimacy with this person, but because of my incest or
my sexual abuse in my past, I find that to be impossible. And it’s really difficult
for many of us to do this to have loving sex, in a
loving sexual relationship with someone when we’ve had that in our past. Because we are triggered, it can cause us to have flashbacks. We can have like a PTSD
like type response, we can have a panic attack
and we have to stop. Often times, in the middle of lovemaking, we’ll have to say, “Get
off me! Get off me!” We might even have a
complete emotional breakdown, where we like freak out and get off of us, and we feel, the thing I
love about this book is that Laura gives her
experience and she talks about how often times she
thought it was her fault, and she would feel really broken and like it’s all the baggage that I have and all the stuff that I carry
around makes it my fault. And finding a sexual
partner, that’s patient, that understands, that
you can be open with, not only physically, but also emotionally, and talk to them about the process. She talks about how important that is to the healing process of this,
because it’s gonna be hard. We’re gonna to take two steps forward and we’re gonna slide back a
little and every time we try, it might not be, you know, the perfect lovemaking experience, but we’re getting that much better at it. And having a partner
that’s understanding and responsive is really key. And I think, I wanna read
a little excerpt from this, because she says this and
it’s such an important point for all of us who’ve
struggled with this to hear and take in, so I want you to
really try and listen to this. She says, “Overcoming shame
and accepting myself was “at the core of my sexual healing. “I had come to the realization
that every one of the “sexual problems I was experiencing “had a certain inner logic. “Each one was directly
connected to something that had “happened to me as a child. “The problems I had with
sex had been forced on me, “as surely as the incest. “They were not my fault.” And I think that’s really important. Often times we are made to
feel like this struggle, and the fact that we may
have to stop and start and stop and start is all our fault. But I assure you, it is not. Okay? I want you all to hear that. And now, the things that
she talks about after this, and the kind of the work
that we’re going to do today is figuring out why we
want to work through this. Why do we want to heal? Why do we want to have a
loving sexual relationship? And so, often times, because our past is the incest or the sex abuse that sex
was on someone else’s agenda. It was put at their time
and their pace and whenever they wanted it, and we had no say. This is a time when we get to have a say. This is our life. This is what we get to decide, when, where, who, how, et cetera. And the first things
within this workbook that she asks you to do is completing
the following sentences. I want to work on my
sexuality right now because? And she gives some prompts, I’m ready, Jackie will leave me if I don’t, and you can insert
whoever’s name into that, I want my body back, I don’t
want my abuser in my bed, or my marriage is at stake. And she says, go back and
circle any reasons that indicate your own internal readiness. So you can make a list,
those are just prompts. So start making a list. I wanna work on my
sexuality right now because. Why do you wanna work on it now? And then go back and circle the reasons that indicate your own internal
readiness because of you. And then put a star next to those that are based primarily on outside pressures. Like someone will leave me if I don’t. I’m afraid they’ll laugh at me again or who knows what’s happening. Now the next prompt, I don’t want to work on my sexuality right now because. I’m not sure anything will change, I’m afraid of having flashbacks, I’m not ready. Why would we not wanna work on it? And then I want you to
compare both sets of answers and respond to these following questions. Which sets of reasons is more
compelling to me and why? Do I feel pressured to heal sexually? If so, by whom and why? And does that pressure
remind me of the abuse. If so, how? I think the important part, and the reason I wanted to
talk about this so much is because often times we repeat the pattern. We talk in therapy all the time about recapitulation of past issues, so something may have happened to us, but we’re reliving it again today. And the thing that we don’t recognize is that we have a choice not to. And as soon as we can recognize that we don’t have to have sex
on someone else’s agenda, doesn’t have to be at their time, it doesn’t have to be when they want it. We are in that relationship too, and we have every right
to say you know what, I’m just not ready today. Today’s a bad day, I had
a really triggering day. I’m feeling really down or whatever it is. And the sooner we can learn to
accept that part of ourselves that what happened to us is not our fault, the hurt and the pain and
the scars from surviving it is not our fault. But how we go about
healing ourselves from it, is something we have control over and we can be patient with ourselves. We can take those two steps forward, and maybe slide back a little, but know we are on the path to recovery. We’re going to heal from this. And so I would encourage if any of you are having this struggle in your relationship, you’re worried that your
marriage may be at stake or your relationship may, they may break up with you, or whatever’s happening, if you’re worried about
that or you’re just trying to work through healing
from past sexual abuse, and you don’t have a partner, but it’s something you’re working on, I still think these can be great tools for you to take time to think about. Why do you want to? Why do you want to work on it? Why don’t you want to work on it? And then, which set of
reasons is more compelling? Why? So take time to think, because
trust me, I know it’s hard. I know it’s gonna take time, but we can get through this. We’re working together, right? We’re working towards a healthy
mind and a healthy body, and I promise you, if you
utilize this workbook, it’s an amazing workbook. If you utilize this and at
your own pace, work through it, you will heal. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel. I put out different videos all the time. So you make sure, you don’t
want to miss them, right? You don’t want to miss
different topics, you know? You never know what I’m
going to be talking about. And don’t forget to like this video. If you want more on
this topic, let me know. That’s how I rate it, by the likes. And I will keep working with you, putting one foot in front of the other, towards a healthy mind and a healthy body. Forward with our therapist, and then we will have times that we have a really shitty day and we cry and we act out, so know that will happen
and that’s normal. And when we struggle so much, and we’ve had such a trauma.

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100 thoughts on “Healing from Sexual Abuse & Incest – Mental Health help with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

  1. I want more on this topic! I just started the courage to heal workbook yesterday. Other books I've found to be helpful are hush and breathe(two different books) by Nicole Braddock Bromley. And I was excited when I saw LMFT and not MFTI!!! Yahh Kati!!! 🎉

  2. I have not been abused but still this video spoke to me, thank you! I am recovered from my eating disorder, but I do feel sad that I can't be "a better partner" because I sometimes just cannot have sex, I am too insecure about my body. I do want to heal from that because I want to enjoy it, not just allow it to happen.

  3. If you are a survivor of sexual abuse I encourage people to talk with your partner- as much as you are capable of sharing. The number one thing that got me through my “walls” is having a partner that cared so much about me enjoying our sexual experience that he would rather not have one at all if it meant me not being comfortable.  It’s empowering to be in the middle of foreplay or even sex, to get a feeling that is overwhelmed or unwanted trigger and tell your partner it needs to stop and then… it stops. If I can encourage partners or survivors to grow in patience and to reassure that person (several times if needed) that stopping because they want to stop is okay.

  4. Great video! So important that this topic gets more attention and is no longer close-lipped!
    Also: I really like the video you now put at the end of your vids!

  5. Katie, this video hit home for me. I am 22 and am trying to heal from sexual abuse, and I am avoiding relationships because I am so scared and aukward when it comes to intimacy. I am embarrassed by it and find it hard to put into words; I think that is why this video immediately made me feel so relieved. I am going to share it with my therapist during my next session and hopefully move on from being stuck right now. Thanks for your hard work, I know you have helped thousands of us on the road to recovery. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you. Hugs!
    -C

  6. Thank you Kati so much. I will buy this book even it is not accessible in my country and work on healing as I am ready. Thank you for the recommendation. I read the original book "Courage to heal" and I find many things helpful. 

  7. It's great that you talk about this! I really can realte to this. I tried to talk about this with my psychologist but I couldn't say it out loud. Iv never done that, I tried to tell her but everything I could say was -something bad happend when I was a child. Then I couldnt tell her the rest. But the only thing she said to me was. – we don't need to talk about everything. Even thou I told her that I get flashbacks sometimes and other things.. So now I im affraid to talk about it even more than I was before. I don't know, it would be good to talk about it but it feels like why would I..

  8. I was raped when I was 8 and I find that now (im a teenager) I have a really high sexual drive, is that bad?

  9. Awesome video Kati! I love your honest and open approach to all aspects of mental health and well-being! Very inspiring!

  10. I've been working on my past abuse with my T, but it seems like every time I see her now I some how get triggered and I have a horrible flashback or whatever you want to call it and I become completely unresponsive and shake uncontrollably. When I'm finally back in the here and now I can't move my legs and I can't talk. It's so embarrassing cause I know my T has just seen me the entire time. I don't know how to control them or how to get them to stop. Why do I do this and how can I stop it?! It terrifies me, and I'm in physical pain(like what happened is physically happening again) whenever this happens. Please help. I'm so sorry. Thank you for everything♥

  11. @Kati Morton hey Kati hope u are having/ had a great time in Washington I was wondering if u could do a video on how to deal with a loved one battling a disease ex: cancer on struggling with this right now two people in my family have cancer thanks!

  12. #katifaq Hi Kati, I just watched your video on healing from sexual abuse and I think it's great. I want to try to heal, but I haven't had a partner since the abuse. Is there any way to work on healing by myself? Thanks.

  13. I use to talk to this guy and I really liked him and he did too at one point. But he is constantly low about himself and often brings up times from his past such as how he was sexually harassed by his neighbor between the ages of 6-12. He talks bad about himself and is such a great guy, but that is preventing him love or like anyone.

  14. Thanks for this vid. Something I'm struggling with but working on in therapy and with my partner. Please do more on this topic. Thanks for all you do your amazing. Xo

  15. Hi Kati I was wondering if it is normal to know that the abuse wasn't your fault but still have a small feel like it is I was raped at 16 btw thanks to these videos I'm in college to be a social worker 

  16. Hi kati I thought it was a fantastic subject to touch on. Thankyou…..
    My thought is that I’ve not been in a sexual relationship for 3-4 years and right now I’m recovering me. I’m doing better than ever but not ready for that and when my sisters talk about sex I get squeamish! I know that’s not normal but right now it’s normal for me. And I don’t mind sharing that the 3 people living in this house are non sexual. One being me. I live with mum and dad. XOXOX love to you

  17. Hi Kati, great video.
    I don't really know where to post questions for youtube Wednesday.
    I've reference physical and emotional abuse my whole life. I am 20years old and studying psychology in college. I cant afford to move out of this negative environment. I go back and forth between thinking this abuse is normal behaviour or not normal.
    How do i ensure that i stay safe here? Both physically and emotionally. I am seeing a therapist but its a crisis centre which only allows a certain amount of sessions. I made myself attain after self harm and suicidal thoughts got out of control.
    My family keep calling me ungrateful (they don't know i go to a crisis centre) and this keeps pushing me back. When I am aware of the fact that's its not ok, i do better within myself. How do i keep myself at this level of awareness?
    Thanks so much! <3

  18. It's so, so hard to watch videos on this topic. I feel like I need to though to help myself. Does anyone else struggle with watching videos about this subject, or hearing about this subject because it's so hard what you went through?

  19. Could you talk about how to heal as much as possible when your abuser is still in your life? It's something I've really struggled with because I live with my abuser. Thank you for making these videos. Xoxo

  20. But what if someone is never ready? Sometimes-just thinking about being with another person that way-i feel like I'm drowning.

  21. This video was so helpful oh my goodness. I am in a relationship and want to have sex but i am terrified because of being abused by both a girl and a guy. I was raped many many times in the fifth grade the sixth grade it was over with the girl the seventh grade i was raped and get pregnant and miscarried before i knew i was pregnant.

  22. Duly shared on facebook with the following message… So many people out there in the world who can benefit from help like this and the video deserves sharing, cos if you have just ONE friend who has been abused and can gain just a gram of help, will have made 1,000 shares more than worthwhile. So please, watch and share if you feel a friend can benefit from this short video. Thanks.

  23. I don't know how to deal with the idea that I was abused by my brother who is 5 years older than me.The abuse occurred when I was 12, I'm 25 now, but the serious part is the fact that my mother says that I'm lying, in spite of letting her know that my shrink says that I have clear signs of sexual abuse. She doesn't even want to go to talk to her at the session, after endless efforts from me and the professional to meet her and talk about it. What should I do…….

  24. You know, I've really contemplated responding to this video or not.. It's really out of my comfort zone.
    Kati, I've been watching your videos for a couple weeks now and they really have actually helped me in ways I didn't know could. I was abused in this way as well as violently and mentally from the age of 7 until I was 13 years old. I was then placed in foster care and my family abandoned me because they chose his side instead of mine. It's been almost 5 years since I last experienced something like that and I spent 3 years of it in counseling. I really do think I have a complete turn around in all of my own trauma and experiences and I really don't think about it anymore to be honest unless something just triggers it. I guess I more or less avoid thinking about it. But to tell you the truth, since it all happened I have wanted to tell someone, anyone, the details about what exactly happened because no one else ever wanted to hear the tragic truth of it all. I haven't even told my adoptive mother nearly everything that happened. I recently wrote him, my ex father who wasn't actually my biological father, an anonymous letter with just a few words on it and I really feel it helped me let go more but I still have this inching feeling in the back of my head that tells I haven't quite let go. Do you ever actually move on with this kind of trauma? Well, another topic is that I have really bad authority issues specifically with men and a low tolerance when it comes to people touching me forcefully and yelling at me.. I'm becoming an adult and I need to take back my life and controlling my reactions to yelling, it is something I will need throughout life. Now, that I have someone special to me that I want to give my world, sadly I can't do that because I gave that away a couple years ago to a one night stand and have done that twice more since. Last year I met my current lover and don't seem to have much of an issue in the bedroom with him… But I feel that something is wrong about that. What can I do to help this? Do I need to come out and tell my mother every detail? I'm afraid it will also make her uncomfortable as it does other people to hear. Can I ever be normal and let go completely, if so, how? I have also been looking into being hypnotized, would that be something safe I should do? In all honesty, I believe I am a strong person when it comes to this subject. I guess it's just how it all makes me feel like a victim and two inches tall that makes me uncomfortable and not so strong. I really need some advice on this. I know this is a lot to write back to but it would mean the world to me if you could give me some tips!

  25. ….adoptive mother every detail of what happened, I'm afraid it will make her uncomfortable as it does others to hear? Another subject I need help on is that I have really bad issues with authority now, specifically with men and a low tolerance when it come to people forcefully or aggressively touching me and yelling at me. I am turning into an adult and I will need better tolerance with these things in reality.. Is there any way I can improve this? Or is it that I need to let go more so? I mean, I feel I have done a grand job on letting go a bit but I know it's something that will always be with me because I can't erase it. I have also looked into being hypnotized deeply, would that something safe I could benefit from?
    Also, I met my current lover last year and I don't seem to have any issues in the bedroom with him, like holding back or stopping me, but I feel that I should and I am a little too open about it, especially since I've had three one night stands within the past 3 years. Is this something I should confront?
    I know this is a lot to respond to but it would mean the world to me if you could give me some detailed tips and clarity on all of this.

  26. ….. Is this something I should confront?
    I know this is a lot to respond to but it would mean the world to me if you could give me some detailed tips and clarity on all of this.

  27. Hi Kati, this is a very essential and important topic in the recovering and healing of sexual abuse and incest. I recognize a lot 🙁  I've linked your video on my Pinterest board. I hope that's okay with you. Send you my love, Bianca Koster

  28. I have got that work book and yeah, I agree, it is amazing!
    Sooo many questions, things to evaluate, learn about yourself, heal. 
    Am still at the beginning and I guess it will take a long long long time until I will be through it…. 
    But I already love it.

  29. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU HAVE SPOKEN VERY WELL. IT WAS VERY GREAT & SUPER. PLS KEEP IT UP, ITS WORTH PUT IN TO PRACTISE.

  30. I was sexually abused at 13 by a student I'm 15 now i have the kindest boyfriend but he said i need to let it go of what happened to me that hurt. I am afraid to kiss him he has kiss me on the cheek a couple times but im afriad pf having sex when im older i olso have autism. depression social anxiety and i self harm sometimes starv myself. what can i do

  31. Thank you, so often I do want to seek therapy but I don't like speaking about it to someone I don't know. I know it's not my fault and i'm not being judged but i'm really scared to seek help. I told my mother about it and she disregards my feelings and tells me to seek God but that alone isn't going to help me move past.

  32. Can you do a video about bullying and how it affects people psychologically? I'm 27 and I still feel outcasted all he time. I am always angry and hypersensitive to people talking bad about others and insults even if it's a joke. I manage to reason with myself and not get visibly angry some times but in my head I'm constantly plagued by these racing thoughts and feelings of sadness and emptiness. I feel like the weak one that was weeded out and left alone to die from everyone else. I feel like no matter how kind I am and how good to myself I try to be people always come in and totally disrespect me. I spend most of time my alone. How do I forgive people and stop the ruminating thoughts?

  33. I became promiscuous after dealing with mine. I was horny allllll the time. I loved sex. i had no emotional attachment to it. I think my family's case was genetic.

    my mom sort of brushed it aside like it happens all the time. I had to go to the precint myself to get my brother out the house. she then told the detectives I was lying. my father had felt on my vagina then smelled his finger when I was 8. I didn't know what was happening. he never did it again.

    is incest genetic?

  34. Wouldn't for them better to take Therapy before they start having a Relationship? But there are many several factors why a person don't even want to have a Relationship,this could be just one.

  35. How do you deal with finally opening up to a friend about what happened and they shut you down and basically blame you? I want to tell my therapist, but how do I bring it up ?

  36. I was sexually abused, molested, and raped from the ages of 5-9 through incest. From here I just went crazy! Suicide attempts, eating disorders, pills, psych wards, LGBT, anxiety, PTSD, and a bunch of crap! I love your videos.

  37. I have lived through the emotional abuse of a mother who knew no boundaries, seemed to think that with her son he had no boundaries she had to respect. But it was never in any form sexual abuse. However, having suffered that emotional abuse, and known how much trauma it has caused my life and my personal development, I just weep to even contemplate what it is like for survivors of sexual abuse. It is so sad and tragic and you are such survivors I hope you have good people around you, you are the strongest people I imagine exist in the world

  38. Thank you for this video. I am a survivor of severe sexual abuse and torture….my husband gets frustrated with me because I am just not "into it" when we have sex. I wish I could feel that I could make love to him and make him feel happy, but I can't connect to it….it's always "just having sex" to me.

  39. When I was a kid, I didn't know I was being sexually abused, until my brother tried it on me when he was 13. I still didn't know what was happening, I just know my mother beat him . We got beat so much I couldn't tell what he was doing wrong. My sister didn't know it was happening to her cause my mother was always acting unhinged because her own childhood, In fact my sister loved my father to the moon and back. My niece claimed my father touched her in the shower. I don't know what to believe at this point. I certainly am a mess. CPTSD is an understatement.

  40. kate i need you to tell me (or anyone) if this was abuse: i was drunk, my uncle wasnt i was almost unconscious and he knew it, idk why but i kissed him (he had abused me in the past) and then more nasty things happened, he didnt stop and he was sober and when everything ended i had an emotional breakdown and a panic attack. i feel guilty bc in the moment i didn't say no

  41. I never had happy relationships , i always ended up with abusive and judgemental partners . I don't feel like living anymore …After years of self blame and shame …its still tough to convince people about conditions that make me promiscuous .

  42. I'm 34 a Christian and survivor of childhood sexual abuse.I thank God and all the survivors for giving me the courage to speak out on these issues.

  43. For me it's just that I lie on the bed, unable to move. It's like I'm watching it next to the bed. Like it's not happening to me.

  44. i just brought the workbook hope it is going to help. i was abused (sexually, mentally and physically) between 17 and 20 years of age by a (i call) psychopathic boyfriend then. i have had a couple of relationships since then, but this past 1 year had one where i got made aware of my sexual problems (fear of intimacy, trust, not knowing how to love, but also my obsession with my dogs and cats as a safetynet). sadly at this point my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, he says he could not take the stress and my problems no longer. exactly actually at the moment where i was most vulnerable asking him for help on knowing how to love him as a normal human being, also i got to the point where i did not let the dogs sleep in my bedroom anymore (which was like a miracle for me). i feel so let down by him at this point, but then again my body does not like feeling so feeling also is a big thing putting effort in every day to feel. the information in this video that actually said that it is my right to heal in my own time just gave me such a big aha moment. i keep on being pushed from the outside what to do, and i am doing my hardest best, but sometimes you are just not ready fully. thank you for reading, i hope to find other people going through the same stuff.

  45. I was molested ONCE when I was little and it’s affected me mentally right now. I really am scared to tell my therapist because I really think it was on accident/unintentional because of what happened and I’m afraid if I tell her she will put my father in jail. I’m 17 and I was like 8 when this happened and I’m scared and don’t know what to do. I love my dad and I don’t ever want to tell him this but I’m afraid to tell my therapist. I was never raped or forced , I was touched inappropriately but idk what to do

  46. I think you're all a waste of time sexual assault victims put their whole life on hold to try to get better and you people make it easier for us to dig our on graves deeper. I'm a simple person who hides a thousand feelings behind the happiest smile

  47. One of my favorite quotes is by Mariska Hargitay – "Sexual abuse and domestic violence are difficult subjects to talk about. Talk about them anyways." You're helping others do that as well – thank you!!

  48. I highly recommend the book "It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion" by Beverly Engel.

  49. I was abused sexually by my adopted dad or incested from age 4 till 14. Then raped on several occasions and my first child was a rape baby learning to be a mother at 16 and threw to the streets by my family because of it. Tried therapy but my therapist told my father and I tried therapy again and bad outcome.Just had a therapist who got irritated with me when I talked about this and shut me down. So no professional help have I had for trauma from those who were to be helping me. I have never been able to get healed or proper therapy. Trying to self-heal not doing well at it. suggestions please

  50. If a man tells a women that he was abused. She will assume that he is a child molester!!
    The best thing for a man to do is to shut up!
    I dont make the rules society does!!

  51. I saw another video that you did on sexual abuse, and I feel kind of threatened by it which I will explain, but let me first explain what I went through in the past.

    So I was 12 and I had a friend with learning disabilities, and ticks and all sorts of issues. Now one day we were in his room, and he locked the door with something because we used to act like weirdos, but on one occasion he acted like he didn't know why the door was locked and basically blackmailed me into holding his thing, and after that he tossed me off while encouraging me to think about women which I guess a part of me was curious about, but it still was manipulative. He then unlocked the door, and I ended it with him.

    So, basically he thought that what went on between me and him was not something serious. And quite honestly, even I wasn't so serious about consent until just recently having this pop in my head again.

    The reason why I feel threatened by one of your videos regarding sexual abuse is that you go on about how the person is not traumatized until later in life, and guess what I actually did not feel traumatized at all. Even now I don't feel traumatized, or have any PTSD issues, but I am very obsessed about what happened and feel confused and frustrated that of all the people in the world, I'm the one who went through this. What scares me is when you talk about those victims being depressed and suicidal, that really creeps me out.. I luckily am not either of those, but I am feeling really frustrated about it and also worried that I'm going to be this survivor(even though there wasn't really much to survive) advertised on a billboard.

  52. My CSA is about sabotaging relationships. I have had good success realizing that I was doing this sabotaging because of guilt, same and self loathing. It builds up tremendous guilt and a sense of being overwhelmed….That is what I would like to hear more about. I know this is an old post but many of us and I am a man need this help…

  53. Is this book also useful for people who were abused sexually as teenagers by someone of the same age? Most information I find is about young children who were abused by family members, or students who were abused in college, or teenagers who were abused by adults. Makes me feel like my abuse is not that bad (deep down I know this is not true), but the help and recognition I can find is quite lacking. My main worry is if I buy this book that this book will give me the same feeling if it focusses mostly on such abuses. I was also wondering, Kati, if you could make video's on autism spectrum disorder and some tips and tricks to deal with daily life? Thank you for all of your video's, I'm so happy to have foud you on youtube, because it really helps me in my recovery.

  54. Kati, I used to have really bad anxiety and other problems. The tools I am about to give you absolutely changed my anxiety and problems 100%. Try being of service to other people. Everyday ask yourself what you can do to help someone. That attitude of being of service to other people completely changed my problems. They just faded away. It can work for anyone!

  55. going through a form of sexual abuse current from my asshole ex (im 20 & this recently happened, currently trying to work through it)

  56. incest and sexual abuse is 2 very different topics. we often put them together but its really not hand by hand.

    im incest… and was also sexually abused at the age of 2. but ive never put them together. why? because when i say sexually abused its because it was from a family friend that i didnt want to do anything with. but my sexual feelings towards family has nothing to do with the abuse.

    we like to put sexual abuse and incest together so there can be someone to blame and its always the adult. we like to put ourselves as victims. but thats just so we wont feel guilty and people can sympathize.

  57. I have a really confusing story if anyone can make out if this was sexual abuse or not.
    One time my cousin pretty much wanted to put her half brother (male cousin) on top of me to. Simulate what sex was and I hesitated at first because I thought adults could see us, so I told her no and she just seemed eager to try and was like come on its only for a few seconds (I was naive and didnt realize how sexual it seemed but out of curiousity and the fact that I didnt want to disappoint her), I said sure. And she undressed me (waist down) and my male cousin as well and she just helped put him between my legs (no penetration) and grown up now I realized it was weird as fuck and incest. I was wondering if its considered abuse? I was 6 or 7, male cousin was like 9, and female cousin was like 11-12 maybe. But it caused me to think for most of my childhood that all kids did that… and im not sure if it mightce affected me as an adult in sometimes being overly sexual or perverted..

  58. Black people in predominantly white areas never get justice for trauma and child abuse I guess I will always suffer I pray one day the nightmare ends now with Stockholm syndrome to I have realised that I must escape to confront these perpetrators

  59. I wanna thank u so much an there other poeple that went through what we went through an is true there's help out here kinda makes me happy known there achaully help out there even simple stuff like this can really help someone thank u an let our father bless u with strength ❤ an I hope all u find ur way to heal from this I just finished telling my grandma what happen an it also helps telling someone u trust an love but thank u again Kati only if their was a way I could repay u back but u help me So much already with just this video I feel my life shifting into a better direction thank u😢❤

  60. NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS! Thank you for doing this topic. Ive been struggling to work on this for over 13 years.

  61. Lesson number 1: heal yourself before you get into a relationship. Healing from sexual abuse is traumatic in itself and shouldn't be done while trying to be in a relationship.

  62. Can you do a video on children who sexually abuse other children? I under the chain effect of the child being the abuser has or is being abused. So the guilt of becoming that child is a topic of discussion. Also blocking out memories. Almost entirely. What do you do? How do you realize you arent sexually healthy even though you feel you are. I have so many questions. But mainly is there any difference when it was inflicted by another child? Also mothers and sons. What does the grown man look like that wont admit and face the fact that some serious shit happened at the hands of his motyer? Lots of questions, i know. Just topics that need discussing for many people as well as myself im sure.

  63. when a parent violates a child's sexual nature there should be a whole website to show the world.

  64. I don't get the impression she has personally suffered incest so how does she think she can understand or help?

  65. Hi Kati
    My brother sexually abused me when I was 21, it was very violent and i feared for my life. Could you make a video on the family dynamic after? Now its 5 years ago and its so difficult for my family. My father has huge problems when he wants us both to an event, because I´ve said I never want to meet my brother again. I feel everybody is getting "past it" and dont really respect me, my bonus mom directly told me that I have to get over it. For me its still a very real thing, I´ve been doing therapy but its a long process!
    because i was at the dance floor my cousin, who saw it, says that the way i danced invited the entire club to rape me. ( I have no rhythm and due to slipped disk i can´t shake anything). When my father confronted my brother, he just said he didnt love me and didnt considered me family, so it didnt matter. Even though he kinda confessed my uncle says that it didnt happen, vos my brother is a good guy, and if it did It´s my own fault. I since then i´ve cut contact with my uncle. But I just feel i split everyone up. Now its my brother who comes on family vacations with my uncle and my father.
    I feel the whole situation is a bit unfair, cos I didnt do anything wrong, but I´m the one who lost the most?

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