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How to make Cybergrind


Do you ever listen to Hardstyle
Techno and say to yourself: “Wow, this is tolerable.” “But I wish it was more annoying,
had badly mixed guitars” “and ugly, pixelated album
covers!” Well YOU’RE IN LUCK! Cause let me introduce you to CYBERGRIND! Just when you thought the
internet couldn’t get more sad. [Noisy Cybergrind] [Catchy Cybergrind] Cybergrind is essentially a
weird blend of Grindcore, Goregrind, Industrial
and Techno. You basically take Grindcore and
Pornogrind tropes and add synth and computer
noises. [COMPUTERGRIND INTENSIFIED] The genre is even MORE
underground than Pornogrind! Take THAT elitist! * Elitist mad * Mosty because this genre came
from the internet. Where teenages who had basic
understanding on on how FL Studio worked managed
to make grindcore hits with the basic techno preset. [BASIC TECHNO INTENSIFIED] The genre was started by a band
called O.L.D. Then the genre started to evolve
with notable bands, like… Agoraphobic Nosebleed, The Berzerker, and my personal favorite; VARIOUS ARTIST [Delightful noises] They’re so varied. I would give a brief history of
Cybergrind, but there’s not much
for me to say It’s one of those new genres
that just showed up on the
internet and people unironically listened
to it. like BOOP New genre. cauSE METAL WASN’T CONVOLUTED
ENOUGH! [CONVOLUTED CYBERGRIND] The best thing about Cybergrind
is that you don’t need to have any FRIENDS to play your
weird, gurgly pitched music. Now you can let the COMPUTER do
all the work! “WORK DAMMIT!”
[Computer smacking noises] [Computer smacking noises] “You need to turn the computer
on.” [Computer smacking stops] “I AM!!!!!!” Before we get into the musical
requirement, let’s discuss ATHSTETICS Find someone who can sort of
draw and have them draw something
weird or disgusting. Or you can badly photoshop some
images together. Just remember to make the final
version of the photo as low-rez (Low Resolution) as
possblel. Maybe add those Industrial metal
designs with rough patterns and
clip-art. When you make a band photo, make
sure to look as EDGY and DARK as POSSIBLE! And then you Photoshop yourself
in a really dangerous place, like LAVA or FIRE or CASTLE SEX
DUNGEON! I Photoshopped myself in
LEGOLAND! The most DANGEROUS place in
Denmark! Don’t forget the low poly
textures, flames and band logo. Speaking of band logo, Typical Goregrind or Pornogrind
names can be used, but make it look as neon as
possible. Why? I dunno, maybe they just like
the colour green! “Anal Granade?” “Nah that’s too serious” [Snaps fingers in panic] “DJ Anal Granade!” “YEAH!” [Jumpscare] “Now I just have to boost the
neon and-” “AAAHHHH MY EYES!!!” Anyway, let’s focus on the
music. Which is something you should be
focusing on instead of PHotoshopping cartoon characters
and dead bodies butughugh Whatever. Starting with the drums; You can either find the cheapest
drum program you can find, or do the smart thing and
combind different samples. What I like to do is use a metal
drumset and then layer it with techno
samples. But if that’s too COMPLEX FOR
YOU! Just find a free virtual
electronic drumset and go wild! Cause why spend HOURS trying to
make something sound tolerable when you can just find something
on the cheap, write a blastbeat pattern and
earn ALL THE BITCOIN!
[Bitcoin Intensified] BASS Just find a synth that sounds
Bass Like, [Sneaky Bass] then throw a ton of distortion
on it! [Distorted Bass Thing] I mean… you CAN you a real
bass, but Cybergrind is supposted to
be EASY and I don’t want to deal with people trying to
eat my wires again! Andreas: “Whaa?” GUITAR! There are three ways you can do
this; 1: The Easy Way 2: The Normal Way 3: The Budget Black Metal way 4: The normal way again, but
with effort. …wait thats FOUR! The Easy Way is to find a Guitar
VST Instrument that does palm-mutes, throw a distortion on it and
program away! [ROBOSLAM] If you want to actually play
guitar like me, You can use an Amp VST and
record it like you would with normal Goregrind. [Normal Slam] But if you want tha GNARLY
DISTORTED TONE, you can just turn off the
cabinet. Then you get that budget black
metal way. [Budget Cuts Intensified] What I like to do is combind the
Slam Guitar Amp with an amp that has the cabinet
off. That way I get a tone with that
Pornogrind/Slam Caricature along with that fuzzy sound of
Cybergrind. [Fuzzy Fuzz Infuzzified] but again, effort is optional. so YOU DO YOU! VOCALS Doesn’t matter if you can’t
grown or not. Pitch shifted screaming ALL THE WAY! But this time you can make the
effect much more obvious. The more you sound like a dying
frog the better! “I’M SORRY FROGGER” [Sniff] [SCREAM] and now for the synth. Y’know, the weird thing with the
keys. You’re probably not gonna make
them the focus of your song. So just browse presets and play the lowest or highest
notes to see if you can find any use
for them. You can also have it play random
notes and throw a blastbeat under it. Just as long as it sounds like a
cheap techno song from LimeWire. Another thing you can add is
PINK or WHITE NOISE! [Noisecore Noisyfied] uhhh I forgot what the purpore
of those were, but you can just filter them
with EQ and effects to create
some WICKED EFFECTS! Now for the LYRICS! Just pick random words from a
fetish and/or fan fiction and force them into your song. Do you have any weird fetishes
like Bugs Bunny in latex or aliens tickling you with
buttplugs? just sing about that! also, steal a voice line form a
porno or a cartoon, distort it and play it at the
beginning of your song. It won’t give your song any
deeper meaning, It’ll just make the song even
weirder and stand out more. Which ironically makes it stand
out less… [Blasting Technical Cybergrind] Now we’re at the main
attraction; The song writing part! So let’s just JUMP INTO IT! CHOOSE YOUR DAW! I was gonna use the oldest
version of Fruity Loops for maximum irony, But if you ever want to use your
computer again then I suggest something useful. Reaper it is! Set your project BPM to 120. HAH HAAA I FOOLED YA YOU’VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY!! Load up your drum minion and set
your samples in place! Here’s how I set up my samples; Use a clicky metal kick and an
electronic kick. [Drums clicking] Add as many snares as you want. No matter how many you add IT WONT BRING YOUR FAVORITE TV
SHOW BACK! and now to set up your drum
patterns. The Double Trouble! The Halftime Princess! And the Classy Blasty! [Blasticus Intensified] Now for the guitars! Again, there are a few ways to
do this, but here’s my way: Add your Guitar Amp VST and make
the tone as Slam or Death Metal as you like. [Guitars playing I guess] Then send the guitars to a new
track, pre-fx and on that empty track, add a
new amp vst and turn off the cabinet! [Satan says hi] Then you do some volume
balancing until you’re happy. [Cybergrind guitars intensified] Maybe add an EQ to get rid of
some FuzzHAHAhaha (of course you wont) For the bass…. [I was gonna add a joke here,
but it didn’t make sense] YEEEAAAH! Now for the vocals! Just gurgle on and on, record some inaudible shouting, pitch it down and DONE! [Gurgling Gurglefied] Add your effects until it’s even
MORE inaudible. [SYNTH TIME] Get some NASTY SYNTH GOING! [Synth Montage] Now find your favorite porn or
movie sample and “BORROW IT” for your song. But I’d rather not loose the
channel, so here’s a dead meme. [G.I. Joe] Hey Kid I’mma
Computer [Andri giggles] “Hey kid I’mma puter” And then you… Ahh You almost made me mix the song. Silly, mixing is for musicians! Now open up a weird anime store that nobody would walk into without the deep feeling of
shame and adjust the reverb. [Distand Vocals] (Whispers)”BTW don’t tell the
cybergrind police but I added EZMix for EZMastering,
but don’t tell them- (Loud) Now render and
CONGRATULATIONS! Upload this masterpiece to
LimeWire and attach a virus! That way your music is
contagious! Andreas: I know biology. Andri. You stole my kidney! Andreas. Oh Fugh [Music Video] [Awkward silence] CONGRATULATIONS! You’re now an underground
Cybergrind DJ with a foot
fetish, Which menas nothing has changed. Andri: I have a what? [Looney Tunes Ending] THE END [The Jugulate Stomp]

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