Articles

Key & Peele – Gay Wedding Advice


– WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY. NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE’RE HERE. COUSIN DELROY’S
GETTING MARRIED… all: MM-HMM. – TO A MAN. WHICH IS CRAZY.
– MM-HMM. – AND WE’RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH,
WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH THE PARTICULARS
OF A GAY WEDDING. WHAT I’VE DONE
IS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE TO GET MY FRIEND GARY IN HERE, WHO’S–I MEAN,
HE’S NOT REALLY MY FRIEND. HE’S A COWORKER OF MINE
WHO HAPPENS TO BE A ACTIVE MEMBER
OF THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY, AND HE’S GONNA GIVE US
SOME ADVICE ON, YOU KNOW, WHA–WHAT TO DO. SO, GARY, WHA–WHAT CAN–
WHAT CAN WE EXPECT? – ALL RIGHT. WELL, FIRST OF ALL, GUYS, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR HAVING ME HERE, AND I THINK IT’S REALLY AMAZING WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING
FOR YOUR COUSIN DELROY. REALLY, I JUST WANTED TO SAY,
BASICALLY, THAT A GAY WEDDING IS JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING. YES? YES, SIR. – SO THEN DO THE MEN
WEAR DRESSES AND THEN THE WOMEN WOULD WEAR SUITS? – NO.
NO, NO, NO. YOU WOULD JUST WHERE
EXACTLY WHAT YOU WOULD WEAR AT A–AT A STRAIGHT WEDDING. – NOW, NONE OF US ARE GAY,
SO I ASSUME THAT WE WOULD ALL SIT
THEN IN THE STRAIGHT SECTION. – THE STRAIGHT SECTION?
– YEAH. – OH, THE STRAIGHT SECTION. HE MEANS AS OPPOSED
TO THE GAY SECTION. – NO, NO, THERE’S–THERE’S–
THERE’S NO SECTIONS, GUYS. – BUT THE GAY PEOPLE…
– NO, NO, NO. WHAT–YOU WOULD JUST SIT–
– AND THEN THE STRAIGHT? – NO, LARRY, LARRY, LISTEN TO ME
JUST FOR A SECOND. – BUT THEN THE AISLE.
– YOU WOULD JUST– YOU WOULD JUST SIT
ON THE SIDE OF THE PERSON THAT WERE FRIENDS WITH
OR THAT YOUR FAMILY’S MEMBERS, JUST LIKE IN A STRAIGHT WEDDING. – SO WE JUST GUESS WHO’S GAY. – OR NOT.
YOU COULD JUST–YEAH. – WE’LL GUESS WHO’S GAY. – OKAY.
GUESS WHO– – WHEN IN THE CEREMONY
DO WE SINGOVER THE RAINBOW?– WELL, YOU DON’T.
YOU DON’T. THIS IS A RELIGIOUS CEREMONY,
SO YOU– YOU WOULDN’T BE SINGING THAT
DURING THE SERVICE. – OH, ALL RIGHT.
– YOU DONE WITH THE QUESTIONS? – NO, I’M JUST ASKING. – I’M NERVOUS ‘CAUSE
I CAN ONLY DO JAZZ HANDS FOR ABOUT THREE MINUTES ‘FORE
MY HANDS START TO CRAMP. – OH, SIR, I DON’T THINK
ANYONE’S GONNA EXPECT YOU– I DON’T THINK ANY–
I DON’T THINK ANYONE’S GONNA EXPECT YOU TO HAVE
TO DO JAZZ HANDS. – NOW CAN WE SEE THE PONY SHOW
FROM THE STRAIGHT SECTION? OR ARE WE WAY
IN THE BACK SOMEWHERE? – MA’AM, AGAIN,
THERE’S NO STRAIGHT SECTION. WHAT IS A PONY SHOW? – YOU KNOW,
WHEN Y’ALL GO LIKE THIS. – NO, THERE WON’T BE– THERE WON’T BE ANY OF THIS
DURING THE CEREMONY. – OH. OH. – WHEN DO WE SINGYMCA?– OH.
– SIR, NOT DURING THE CEREMONY. – OKAY. – WHAT ABOUTMACHO, MACHOMAN?
– NO. – I DON’T KNOW
WHERE TO BUY NO GAY PRESENTS. – WELL, I-I DON’T KNOW
WHAT A GAY PRESENT IS. USUALLY, WHAT COUPLES
DO IS THEY JUST– THEY JUST REGISTER AT A STORE… – HUH. – LIKE A STRAIGHT COUPLE WOULD. – THE GAY STORE, OR–
– JUST A REGULAR STORE. – WHERE DO YOU GET THE EUROS
TO BUY GAY GIFTS? – ARE YOU SAYING EUROS? YOU WOULDN’T–
YOU WOULDN’T USE EUROS. – NO, IT’S–IT’S–
IT’S A GOOD QUESTION, FINNEY. WE–WE SHOULD MAKE
SOME EYE CONTACT SO WE MAKE SURE THAT
THE COMMUNICATION’S HAPPENING. – YEAH.
– I THINK HE WANTS TO KNOW IS IT, LIKE, A–YOU KNOW,
A DIFFERENT CURRENCY? OR IS IT MORE LIKE CAMEL CASH? – NOPE, JUST GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED
U.S. DOLLARS, YEP. – DO WE HAVE TO PARTICIPATE
IN THE ANAL SEX? – OH!
– OR CAN WE JUST WATCH AND CHEER IN A FIREMEN’S HAT? – NO, THERE’S NO ANAL SEX
AND NO FIREMAN’S HAT. – OH, OKAY.
– IT’S CUNNILINGUS. – IS THAT A QUESTION, SIR? – WHEN DO WE GET TO SING
IT’S RAINING MEN,
HALLELUJAH, IT’S RAININGMEN?
– YOU DON’T. – SO THERE’S NO GAY HYMNS
IN THE CEREMONY? – SIR, THERE’S NO SUCH THING
AS A GAY HYMN. – WHAT?
– WELL, DOES THE FAKE PRIEST LOOK LIKE A REAL PRIEST
OR LIKE A NUN? – IT’S GONNA BE A REAL PRIEST.
– OR… – NO, THERE’S NO “OR.” – IS IT A SEXY BOAT CAPTAIN, THEN HE TAKES HIS CLOTHES OFF? all: OHH.
– WHAT? NO. NO. – DO WE THROW SOMETHING
OTHER THAN RICE? – LIKE WHAT, SIR? WHAT WOULD YOU THROW
OTHER THAN RICE? – I DON’T KNOW.
I DON’T KNOW. COUSCOUS.
SKITTLES. – GUYS, A GAY WEDDING IS JUST
LIKE A STRAIGHT WEDDING, OKAY? IT’S EXACTLY THE SAME. – WELL, WHEN THEY KISS, IS IT
OKAY TO STAND UP AND SAY, “EW”? – NO, IT’S NOT BECAUSE IT WOULD
BE–THAT WOULD BE HOMOPHOBIC. – THIS FROM THE MAN
WHO WON’T ALLOW GAY HYMNS AT THE GAY WEDDING. – OKAY, BUT LIKE
A INVOLUNTARY GASP. – I WOULD JUST, I GUESS,
TRY TO CURB THAT BEHAVIOR. – OKAY.
I’LL–I’LL LOOK AWAY THEN. – OH, MY GOD.
– NOW, IS RUPAUL GONNA BE THERE? – NO, I DON’T THINK
DELROY KNOWS RUPAUL. – UH, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS?
– NO. – OOH, DOOGIE. – WHAT IF YOU DON’T WANT
YOUR PICTURE ON THE INTERNET? – THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
– EXCUSE ME, GARY. “RIDICULOUS.”
IS THAT A GAY TERM? – OKAY, YEP.
I’LL SHOW MYSELF OUT. – OH, HE’S A LITTLE TESTY,
ISN’T HE? – NAH, HE CAN GO.
– GOOD LUCK. – WE JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT
HOW IT GO. – LET’S GO, STEFAN. – I THINK WE PRETTY MUCH GOT IT.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *