So I’m already about half and hour late,
that sucks. My boss has chewed my ass out for really
no reason cause I’ve never been late before. I get a sh***y section, I get “The 90’s”
that little back room, yeah. The first table, nice. Nice ladies.
They were cool with whatever. My second table was a couple of dudes
waiting for thier friends. They were really nice ya know, and I talked
to them a bit and I buddied up and all that sh*t. The third dudes, came in.
They were really good looking. Then I remembered I had you.
Anyway… [Laughter] I love you I f*cked up their order… cause I’m not paying attention
cause I didn’t want to They were cool they were like
“You know, it’s cool whatever” “You got the drinks right.” They left because it was too hot back there
and they wanted the bar. Then the other two dudes,
their friends come in. The third one is really really nice… The forth one…is a jackass.
The biggest jackass I’ve ever met. If he were a caterpillar…
and made a cocoon… He would bloom forth a giant d*ck! [Laughter] And not even a healthy one, like,
one infected with STDs and sh*t. A d*ck on fire!>>DEADAIR: Okay, go on. So, he just talks to me in a sh*tty tone at first,
which I’m so use to so I don’t even acknowledge it. So I do the banter with the other three guys
cause they’re cool. And I get their drink orders, and they’re right.
And I get their appitizer, and it’s right. Then he says it…>>JACKASS: Are you wearing makeup?>>LANE: No.>>JACKASS: Yeah I can tell…>>LANE: What?>>JACKASS: Well it’s just I noticed that the other
girls wear makeup and they look good.>>LANE: Well sir, I find that I’m rather attractive
enough to where I don’t really need makeup. And I don’t really find makeup attractive anyway.
Believe it or not, there are men in this world who don’t like makeup.>>JACKASS: Yeah well, you should do us a favor.>>LANE: F*ck it, whatever.
I’ll spit in his food later… [Laughter] So I’m getting their orders and I do some more
banter with one of the dudes.>>JACKASS: Can you stop talking
and take our order? That’s it, I’m done. I had it.
My boss has chewed me out. I’ve been insulted, in the worst possible way in this place.>>LANE: You know what sir? I gave up trying to be friends with you quite a while ago
cause I can see you’re just the rudest human being I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. And working at a restaurant.
In this particular restaurant, That is really saying a lot. But you know what? Because I’m not such a scummy
human being like yourself. I’mma get your food out, and it’s going to be perfect.
I’m not even going to spit in it. It’s gonna be just right. So that you can eat that
and not have a single complaint about it. So that you’ll feel… like a jackass.
You have a nice day. I get their orders. Come back.
The food is perfect. He doesn’t have a thing to say about it. And they leave, and one of the guys stays behind.
And he apologizes perfusly about his friend.>>GUY: I’m sorry, he’s had a rough day->>LANE: Well, you know what? I’ve had a rough day too.
But I’m not going around insulting people for no reason. I do that guy a favor, I treat him hospitality,
I give him food, I give him drinks. And he treats me like dirt. The next time you guys go out, why don’t you keep
a leash on your friend? You three, were awesome.
You can come back anytime. But if he comes back in, I’ll tell my boss to get the
bouncer, and he’ll throw his ass out. Because he shouldn’t treat me like that.
He shouldn’t treat any of the other girls like that. We demand more respect. Gottcha?>>GUY: Of course, here’s some money. He gives me like, 20 bucks.
And their tab was like 70.>>GUY: We’re gonna talk to him.
>>LANE: Yeah, please do. OH! And by the way, you can tell him he can insult me
all he wants but the fact is. I know why he does it… Cause he’s not good looking enough to get any girl. [Laughter] And that was Lane’s big d*ck moment of the day.