This lovely gem is Monkey Poo Flinger and as you can see there’s poo on the fucking main menu. See? See the word “poo”? It’s made out of SHIT. [Moist squishy sound] Ohhh my god, It was so squishy! [Moist squishy sound] God… [Moist squishy sound] Listen to that! [More moist squishy sounds] Ohhhhhhhhhh it’s fucking wet! It’s wet diarrhea! Monkey Shit: Level One! The fuck is this? There’s like mini-stages? Alright we’ll do 1-1. What the fuck… So the devil monkey, which is fucking BUFF as SHIT by the way, is telling me to chuck shit at people, so I guess I’m gonna chuck shit. I saw the word “diarrhea” in there. How do I chuck it? How do I chuck it? (x2) How do I chuck it? (x3) Fucking thro- there we go! Ohh, I’m fucking throwing shit at kids. I hit that kid with shit. Pff- What the fuck? COME HERE, DON’T RUN BITCH! DON’T RUN! It looks like blood! It looks like I’m fucking sh- I’ve got blood in my stools! C’mere. You going to the gift shop? I’ll fucking give you a present free of charge. *fart noises* Get the little kid. Get the little kid. (x2) Get the little kid. (x3) OHHHH I got him! I got him! C’mere little girl. C’mere, yeah, you like how that tastes? Run home to your mommy, bitch. Ohh, YOU BETTER RUN! YOU BETTER RUN! I am painting this back wall. Look at this! This looks like a fucking crime scene! They’re gonna send forensic experts in here to check out the fucking angle of the shit. You’d think people would see this shit coming and they’d just stop walking but I guess getting pelted by monkey feces is part of the attraction. Get the lady in the green! Get the lady in the green! (x2) Get her in the fucking g- There we go! Aww yeah! You better run! YOU BETTER RUN!! Alright so there’s Round 1 finished I hurled a bunch of shit at people. I da- I got 1 splat. 2 splats! I got 2 splats on that level. Great! 😀 Alright now this game is getting fucking serious because they cleaned this shit off the walls, But now I have lives, and apparently there are going to be seagulls trying to shit on ME. So I have to throw shit, while avoiding shit. That woman got shit all over her. Yeaaah, yeah you better run. No seagulls yet, Oh, there they are! AH! HOLY SHIT! The- They got quick turds! They got quick white turds. They’re tiny. Like precise little bombs. These are some weird looking humans. The adults look nothing like the children. They’re like completely different. A- Th- The kids are like little monsters. So Level 2, like taking feces from a baby, STILL just PELTING the SHIT out of people, with- pelting them with shit! Oh, there’s a whole crowd of people. There’s a whole crowd of people here look at this. Eat it up! Eat it up! (x2) Gimme some points. Gimme some points. (x2) Ohh there we go. 500 shit points. 500 shit points. (x2) Why can’t I just throw my shit at the seagulls? Alright, another 2 splats, not bad, Level 3. HOLY SHIT! Alright, Round 3. Now these guys are fighting back, they’re like throwing shit at me. Not actually shit, I’m the one throwing shit, but they’re throwing clothing at me or something. Yeah, that looked like a pair of pants. Maybe they are th- OH FUCK I got hit! I am down! Monkey down! They might be throwing their own shit. It’s bigger, but I guess- I guess human shit’s probably bigger than monkey shit. I’m still like, it’s just COMIN’ OUT of me. IT’S coming- LISTEN TO IT! They’re pretty light screams. People are taking it pretty well. If I got hit with feces, from a monkey inside a pen, I’d react with more than: “Augh!” “Agh!” “Ugh!” “Oogh!” And I wouldn’t fucking throw my shirt at him. Dude, keep your clothes on. Oh yeah, you like that, little girl? You li- Oh shit! Oh God. 2 hits… I have one monkey life left. People are gettin’ fucking violent. You throw some feces around, they get all bent out of shape. Ohhh shit! Ohhh everything’s fucking- Oh my God! How did we make it out of there? That was a shit FRENZY! Jesus! TWO SPLATS! Why can’t I hit the birds? Why are they beyond my fecal range? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? That was a fucking coconut that came from outside the fucking screen!!! Goddamn it! That wa- That was a banana. I missed it. I imagine bana- There’s another fucking banana. Get- God damn it. This monkey is slow. (Mutters) I’mma pelt this kid, ready? Hua! Aww yeah! Ah, where you running to? Where you running to? (x2) I’m making track stars right here, right? You get hit with some shit, you fucking hawl ass. I’m setting records. Fucking coconut, again. They- Fucking things heat-seek me! So bananas replenish lives, or you can use them as money to buy shit from the shop. But as I was getting wailed with fucking coconuts, I decided to go with the extra life deal. Another banana. Another bana- OH MY GOD, ANOTHER COCONUT! FUCK! I got- OH MY GOD! AAAH! AAAH! (x2) AAAH! (x3) Shit! Everywhere, literally. One life left! 5 seconds! Don’t die (x2) Don’t die (x4) Don’t die (x6) *gasp* FUUUUUUUUUUCK! FUCK! 2 seconds. 2 seconds, I got shit on by a bird. One more time One more time (x2) These coconuts are dea- Skip the goddamn thing! HOW DO I AVOID THAT?! I just- I fucking hauled ass to the left, And that coconut just came after me, it was like fucking ROCKET propelled. I wonder where they got the realistic sound effects from. Like if they actually just SHIT on the floor and recorded the sound, ‘Cause it’s pretty good! Fucking closed. Fucking clo- Ohhh banana! Got it. I’mma shove it up my ass. Well, now we’re sittin’ pretty! 2 fucking bananas, 3 bananas, An unknown number of bananas, THREE SPLATS?! Alright. We gotta go to the store now. Buy some shit. Pop a laxative to increase your rate of fire for 30 seconds, You can use a shovel to increase the SPEED and SIZE of POOP thrown for 30 seconds Turn a fan on by pressing Right Bumper to splat poo in ALL directions… …for your next 5 shots. Let’s go with that! I like how the scenery never changes like, ALL THIS SHIT keeps going down in front of the gift shop. The guy that owns the gift shop must be some SAD motherfucker. He’s just like, “GOD damn it,” “I wanted a gift shop in a fucking zoo.” “I didn’t want THIS!” “WHAT IS THIS?” Look at what he has to come to every day when he gets to work! THIS? Fuck, I’m getting shit on! There’s shit coming at me from every direction. Nice red pants, dickhead. NICE WHITE SHIRT, DICKHEAD! You going home to your kids? You going home to your kids? (x2) What are you gonna tell ’em WHY YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT? WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT? (x2) I don’t want to use any of my fucking items until the next round. OH my God. Orange pants. The FECES was stuck- IT’S ON HER FACE! I didn’t even notice the shit actually stuck to their fucking face. Oh shit Oh shit (x2) Oh shit (x3) Oh sh- 5 seconds. 5 seconds (x2) Aw FUCKING COCONUTS?! Wow, that was uh, that was close. Barely made it alive out of there. BARELY! Alright, so I can’t SHIT this level. I guess I just have to fucking survive? What do I do…? Let’s call a fucking game “Monkey Poo Flinger”, but wait. Level 6, you can’t fling any fucking poo! What the hell is up with that?! I’m dry! I’m dry as a bone. Ain’t got nothing left, Look- guy without a shirt? Somehow threw a shirt at me. Don’t know how he did it. Wasn’t wearing it. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t wearing it It was in his fucking pocket. Pulled it out, saw monkey, said: “Hey, that monkey doesn’t have any shit.” “I guess I better fucking throw my shirt at it!” Women, fucking taking their clothes off left and right, And there’s KIDS? I’m gettin’ with- by KIDS throwing CLOTHES? Kids, keep your clothes on! FUCK! Now I feel like one of the humans, right? I’m just on the other side. Waiting for them to fucking shit on ME. Now I’M the animal locked in the cage! Well, I guess I was… Guess I was always the animal… Fuck! FUCK! FUUUCK! How many fucking pieces of clothing does this guy have?! Fucking coconut… There’s FUCKING monkeys next door. I swear to God. They’re little bitches. 15 seconds. 15 seconds. (x2) Dodge the SHIT. There we go… Dodge the bird shit. Dodge the coconuts… Eat more- Naw you fucking FUCK! FUUUUUCK! Last try. I swear to God. I want to fucking use my SHOVEL! Aaand my fucking, uh, laxatives and my fan and shit, And I can’t do that, If I’m stuck in this level where I can’t even fling my own CRAP! Fuck you and your red pants!!! FUUUUUCK! Alright, so, I’m never gonna beat this level. So I guess I’m gonna- go back and buy some more fucking shit at the Shit Store, “Barny’s Store of Fecal Wonders”. What do I do, I’m just hitting everything. OHHH. Eat your fucking shorts now, bitch! HOLY SHIT!!! That was fucking CRAZY! How did I do that? Was it the fan button? Which button was that? Right Bumper. Oh hoho my God! Look at this! It’s a volley of shit! No one would survive this! This is like the Valentine’s Day Massacre, but with shit. YOU COME TO MY HOUSE? YOU BRING YOUR SHIT TO MY HOUSE?! The children! No! It’s- Oh my God! You can’t even tell what the fuck was in the background. Look at this, (Angry cowboy accent) I’m paintin’ everything red. (Angry cowboy accent) I’m paintin’ the whole goddamn town red! RED WITH MY SHIT! YOU HEAR ME, MOTHERFUCKERS?! RED WITH MY SHIIIIIT!!!