The Princess Peach Game You Forgot About

You know what’s weird? Mario has all these sub series of games, right? Luigi has his own series, Yoshi has his own series, Wario has two series and even Toad has his own game But Princess Peach, literally like the second most important character in the Mario series, doesn’t have her own GAME?! All right, you know what? Super Princess Peach, a platforming adventure starring Nintendo’s main Princess, Peach (it’s her) You’d think people would talk about this game more right? It’s Princess Peach saving Mario and Luigi. It’s a pretty big deal, yet I feel like I hear more about Mario is Missing than this. The story begins with a Metal Gear length cutscene Bowser’s scheming to attack the Mushroom Kingdom in His summer villa! Hmm… Bowser explains how he found this magical item that’s gonna allow him to beat the Mario Bros once and for all. The vib- oh my god put that away No( Ohh Ahh (screaming slowly turns into the THX intro) So basically, it’s a ripoff Star Rod except It instills feelings of anger, happiness, sadness and calmness to whoever it affects and somehow this was enough of a power to take down the Mario Bros. and all of the toads You could have just put on a fili anime and you would achieve the same thing, but now it’s up to Peach and her… Parasol, to stop Bowser and save the Mario Brothers Anyways, I know it’s a bit of a hyperbolic title; “The Princess Peach Game You Forgot About” but really I think Nintendo wanted us to forget about this game. If you go on the like the official nintendo website and look under Princess Peach It’s not there. The soul game where she is the main starring protagonist, she isn’t there I mean, what is this? Who even made this game? Who is responsible? TOSE and Nintendo SPD 2. didn’t they make and more commonly known games such as both companies just co-develop… licensed.. published games This game is a mess, the entire thing. From level design, to the abilities, to the enemies and Ugh just doesn’t seem like they had any direction going into this. For example, look at these three clips; Would you think they’re all in the same level? Course you would why wouldn’t you, they all have different things going on? The levels in this game just feel random and long. In Mario, you get a sense that things are in a place for a reason, that levels have some overarching theme But this it’s like, I don’t- I don’t know What’s going on? One thing this game has a hard-on for is putting doors and pipes. Doors and pipes? Every level has many unrelated rooms connected by these doors and pipes, so instead of making a cohesive and progressive level that builds off the last room, Uh, okay, now this is happening? What happened to that in the other r- Nah, don’t worry about it. This is happening now. It just feels like a robot scanned a Kirby game, a Yoshi game and a Mario game (printing noises) bam, and it printed this out, and that’s what they sold And it really sucks because every now and then this game will present an idea that’s actually cool, a cool new mechanic or something. Not to mention the whole game has unique sprites for the entire ride. A little weird, but still they put work into them. But instead it came out like an amateur Mario maker level You know what I’m talking about, when they grab the enemy and is like WOAHHHHHHHHH That’s the extent of the level design we’re talking here, but I’ve been putting it off Let’s talk about one of the main reasons gamers remember this game. ♪ Let the voice of love ♪ ♪ Take you higher ♪ I think I figured it out. I’ve been studying women my whole life, and I still don’t quite understand them but this (tap tap), it makes proof out of all of it, Princess Peach has emotions as her main ability in this game because She’s a woman. That’s all they are right? Just heaping piles of uncontrollable emotion that harm people around them too- How did you mess this up Nintendo? HOW- These are known as “Vibe Abilities”. On the bottom screen you see Peach, she’s so cute, and she’s like ♪ Touch, my heart ♪ And they give you the powers of joy to float around and spin like a tornado, rage to stomp around and burn anything in your path, sadness to cry an inhuman amount of tears; and calm and this one’s basically a free healing ability, if this game was too hard for you I mean. Alright that’s what they do, but here’s how they function. You go ♪ Shorty fire burning on the dance floor ♪ in the right area and congrats! You opened it. See this thing you go *stock sound of baby crying* Good work! You solved the puzzle. Need to fight the boss? One of these should work eventually. And honestly they come up with some funny ideas, I got a chuckle out of some of these situations. But after a while it gets a wee bit predictable. Like you’ll have an area STOP, use your ability, get the thing and continue walking, STOP, use your ability Even this flying ability is only sometimes used for movement, so what ends up happening is there’s no meshing of these mechanics and platforming SOOOOOOOOOO However, it’d be a mistake to say that this is Peach’s main ability. Because beneath this game’s gender based marketing lies one of the Mushroom Kingdom’s most powerful weapons: Perry the Parasol Perry the Parasis Perrier Pares PEARS. Yes that thing is alive, and it’s actually your tutorial guide character. And like all tutorial characters, he has some complex deeply rooted backstory that’s explained throughout the game, so here’s a summary Anyways, Perry is Peach’s main ability. He can attacc, but he can also protecc He can also fling you on a zipline, put you in a submarine and be used as a boat There are even upgrades for him at the shop. TOAD:
Whattya buying??? Oh I was actually just looking for Perry’s floating ability, and- TOAD:
Whattya selling? Okay… I’mma wait till your shift’s done… But by far the most interesting thing Perry allows Peach to do, is this. *Koopa screaming* She can absorb the life energy out of anything that goes under this umbrella. Jesus Chri- Peach powering up using her emotions? Draining the energy out of other life-forms? She’s like a- (Goomba struggles to breath) PEACH:
Hmmm, another weakling, and I’m still only at half my power! GOOMBA:
How? How many has she absorbed? How has she got this strong? SSJ PEACH:
You should consider this an honor GOOMBA:
You’re my next meal. *Distorted screaming and whirring* Man, we haven’t even gotten to most of my gripes with this game, and if you’re looking at the video length. I’ve got a lot. Really we’re doing this? You real? GANON:
Yeah, out of all your blunders, this is the absolute worst. ALAX:
Ganon, you’re literally the king of evil. How are you taking the moral high ground? GANON:
I may be evil, but I’m also a Gerudo I love women’s rights! ALAX:
*sigh* This has nothing to do with women. It’s just this game is trash I don’t care if it’s about Peach, I don’t care who it’s about, the design is bad. MONIKA:
Good, I’m the only girl you should be talking about… MONIKA giggles You know, I think that blow to the head actually messed something up. Here’s the thing, this game is ridiculously easy. Some later parts? Sure, maybe a little challenging, but even then the game is still really easy But that’s not the thing that makes it bad though. Kirby games are really easy, but they’re also really fun They’re designed to be for beginners, and they have things that tailor the experience for them. This game is just easy because of laziness. TOSE? More like you’re gonna get ROASTED Peach and her worm ass has three hearts Which accumulate to six hits total. That you can ALSO upgrade at the shop. What this means is a lot of the time, It’s much easier to just take the damage of anything instead of dealing with it. because why platform in a platformer right? Jesus, this girl’s got a Constitution 20. She does not go down. She’s as durable as the – All-new Ford F-150. The future of tough… On top of this remember how Peach is literally Cell? Well, what happens when you find a pipe that infinitely poops goombas? That’s right. You have a free life up depo! Oh, don’t you just love oversights and bad games? So, let me keep tally for you. Getting hit doesn’t feel like it matters, the levels feel empty and disjointed, levels are drawn out and feel random, and the collectibles don’t really make an impact. For a game about emotions, you’re really not making me feel too much. There are three toads in each level along with some art, and I mean some are fun to find but I didn’t go on my way to get all of them They never say anything about it, so I assume it’s for some like end game unlockable or somethi- Why can’t I get into this level? Wait what? Really… All of them. They wanted me to collect all of the toads to beat the game. Mario 64, you don’t need all the stars, you just go up to that door and say “70” and WHAM spank your butt and go up to bed. Oh, you’re telling me if I leave one of these toads out to dry, I can’t complete the game. What about the one from the shop – can I take him? Can I buy him? Would a trade suffice? Well if you were expecting me to go back to get all of these toads, you are sorely mistaken I think the final boss is some big ass Bowser very original guys No No really You really came out of the- came out swinging. And to think they actually wanted you to collect other stuff besides the toads. Puzzle pieces and music, eugh, th- no. I still don’t understand why devs hide art in their games, like that’s gonna be a compelling collectible for people to find. Like what art in this game could be so interesting that I have to get Unless there’s a hidden bikini Princess Peach in this game… MONIKA:
What was that? *glass shatters* I mean, really it’s so crazy how bad this game is! Wow! Weird! WOW! Ooo… MONIKA:
That’s what I thought! I feel like this game was just made for the title, to sell Super Princess Peach. That makes me kind of sad There are a lot of good ideas in this game. The music’s good, the sprites are good It just had to fall short with the design. You know “Mellow Mode” in Yoshi’s Woolly World or the invincibility leaf in 3D World? That’s what this game feels like. Except, it’s not an optional mode for beginners. It’s the whole goddamn game! You poor, poor game I wish someone had the chance to make you fun and enjoyable, but alas Princess Peach knew she had to do it to ’em for the whole goddamn game. No matter what I’ll always love this bottom screen Peach. She’s just so cute MONIKA:
Urrgh…. Oh, but her, oh sprite version, gross. Wow, ew. I don’t know guys, the sprite really throws me off. Like look at her face Those eyes are bleeding right into the top of her head. Sure, in sprite form it’s fine But this was like a real model of Peach, *Beast Screaming* *ALAX and GANON scream* *gunshots* MONIKA:
And now, we never need to talk about Peach again. Yeah, yeah. *nervous laughter* ♫ Thank you Patrons for supporting me into this month ♫ ♫ You know all your help puts me and gets food in my mouth ♫ ♫ Everyone else, thank you for watching to the end, you know it helps ♫ ♫ One last thing, I’m streaming on Twitch every Thursday (…wehhh) ♫ and also the videos even premiere on Twitch, on Twitch premiere, every time they… they… I’m gonna put a message on YouTube or Twitter and then it’s gonna be premiering on Twitch and then after it premiers on Twitch it’ll go live on YouTube, so, I mean, and watching the community that’s pretty cool. I think it’s pretty cool. Anyways, yeah Thank you guys for watching. I hope you liked the video. Monika’s gonna kill me eventually so It can’t be helped, ah, bye! See ya! maybe you’ll see me next time. (captioned by Arbrax and X_Ry and Andrew K)

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